ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
