What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I CAN MOONWALK!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have fence marks all over my body
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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