So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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