I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
