I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
