Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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