lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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