So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
