return my video game
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
