im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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