hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
