so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
