I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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