Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Barsexuality is the new black.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's shark week go big or go home
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
