I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
