May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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