he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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