just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
