Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
