I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
