nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I didn't notice because vodka
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
