so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
