I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
