idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
