half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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