Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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