Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
