I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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