was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize