I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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