I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
