i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
