Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
