i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
