can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize