drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
