u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
