Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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