your thong is hanging out like whoa
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just pee around me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
