New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I didn't notice because vodka
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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