I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
