I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
