But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
