Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
