don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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