he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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