are you still at the devil's house?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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