Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
