Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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