If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My hand turned me down
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
