Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
