i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
