I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
