Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
