My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
