I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
