so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
