I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
