smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Someone shattered a urinal.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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