Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
