CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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