Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
