Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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