her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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