I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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