Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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