I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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