Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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