I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
