3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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