how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize