You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
