you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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