HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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