I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
