the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
