So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
