U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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