Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just googled if crying burns calories
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
