she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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