I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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