You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
