but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
