I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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