I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
