Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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