no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
