need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
